Ask the Amys: Favoritism, Unsupportive Managers, and More

What It Covers

Amy Bernstein and Amy Gallo answer listener questions about workplace challenges including returning from maternity leave while maintaining ambition, managing 43 direct reports without training, dealing with unsupportive managers who block career growth, navigating favoritism dynamics, handling emotional employees who cry during feedback, and addressing performance issues after organizational restructuring.

Key Questions Answered

• •Maternity leave pushback: When senior leaders suggest slowing down after returning from maternity leave, directly challenge the advice by asking if they would say the same to someone returning from paternity leave. Redirect the conversation to specific growth opportunities and state clearly that you will make your own decisions about pacing while requesting support for your ambitions.
• •First-time manager diagnosis: Before taking action with 43 direct reports, spend several weeks diagnosing productivity issues by interviewing influential team members to understand root causes. Restructure to reduce direct reports to 8 or fewer, set clear expectations with your boss about timeline needs, and consult Linda Hill's article Becoming the Boss to understand common misconceptions about the transition from individual contributor.
• •Career stagnation tactics: When managers deflect promotion discussions with vague responses like be patient, make direct statements such as I am ready to move into a more challenging role to signal you will not stay indefinitely. Propose specific next roles rather than asking general questions, research how others advanced in the organization, and set a three-month deadline for visible progress before considering external opportunities.
• •Remote rapport building: Build connection with distant managers through four elements identified by Stanford researcher Pam Hines: shared context through common systems and language, shared identity by using we language, informal interaction beyond status updates like virtual coffee meetings, and aligned incentives without overlapping roles. Schedule non-transactional conversations focused on relationship building rather than only sending project updates.
• •Emotional regulation boundaries: When direct reports cry during feedback sessions, continue delivering the necessary feedback rather than stopping the conversation. Hand them tissue, ask what specifically is upsetting them to understand the source, and clarify that you need to be able to give feedback as their manager. Let the emotional response happen without trying to fix it, then move forward with the workday.