How to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be
Episode
83 min
Read time
2 min
Topics
Leadership, Sales & Revenue, Books & Authors
AI-Generated Summary
Key Takeaways
- ✓Claiming desires without apology: At age 10, Handler saw first class seating and decided it was for her, then started a lemonade stand that evolved into selling cocktails and babysitting, earning enough to buy her own first-class ticket at 13. This demonstrates claiming what you want and figuring out how to get it yourself.
- ✓Anger masks deeper pain: Handler carried rage for decades after her brother's death at age 9, using it as a shield against vulnerability. Therapy revealed that anger typically covers hurt and abandonment. When you can acknowledge the underlying pain and be vulnerable about feeling hurt, resolution becomes possible.
- ✓Transforming failure into opportunity: After bombing at Montreal Comedy Festival in front of every industry decision-maker, Handler got a second chance 72 hours later with one NBC executive who missed the disaster. She performed with nothing to lose, crushed the set, and landed her first development deal the next day.
- ✓Self-talk shapes reality: Handler looks in the mirror daily and says "what kind of shenanigans are we gonna get up to today, you beautiful human being?" This practice of being your own cheerleader, mother, sister, and daughter creates the foundation for confidence that no external validation can provide.
- ✓Bringing the vibe intentionally: Handler learned to ask herself what vibe she wants people to feel after spending time with her. When in a bad mood, she retreats rather than spreading negativity. Extending generosity when you don't feel like it helps others while simultaneously healing your own anger.
What It Covers
Chelsea Handler shares how she transformed from an angry, ungrounded comedian into a confident woman through therapy, self-awareness, and learning to claim what she wants unapologetically while spreading joy and supporting other women.
Key Questions Answered
- •Claiming desires without apology: At age 10, Handler saw first class seating and decided it was for her, then started a lemonade stand that evolved into selling cocktails and babysitting, earning enough to buy her own first-class ticket at 13. This demonstrates claiming what you want and figuring out how to get it yourself.
- •Anger masks deeper pain: Handler carried rage for decades after her brother's death at age 9, using it as a shield against vulnerability. Therapy revealed that anger typically covers hurt and abandonment. When you can acknowledge the underlying pain and be vulnerable about feeling hurt, resolution becomes possible.
- •Transforming failure into opportunity: After bombing at Montreal Comedy Festival in front of every industry decision-maker, Handler got a second chance 72 hours later with one NBC executive who missed the disaster. She performed with nothing to lose, crushed the set, and landed her first development deal the next day.
- •Self-talk shapes reality: Handler looks in the mirror daily and says "what kind of shenanigans are we gonna get up to today, you beautiful human being?" This practice of being your own cheerleader, mother, sister, and daughter creates the foundation for confidence that no external validation can provide.
- •Bringing the vibe intentionally: Handler learned to ask herself what vibe she wants people to feel after spending time with her. When in a bad mood, she retreats rather than spreading negativity. Extending generosity when you don't feel like it helps others while simultaneously healing your own anger.
Notable Moment
Handler describes getting a staph infection requiring a PICC line in her arm right before hosting the Critics Choice Awards. Instead of hiding it with long sleeves, she decided nobody cared but her and hosted in a column dress with the medical device visible, crushing her performance.
Episode Transcript
Hey. It's your friend, Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. Have you ever gotten on a plane? And as you're passing through first class, you kinda look around and think, Oh, this would be nice. But then you just shrug your shoulders and you walk all the way to the back of the plane and you're like, Oh, excuse me, sweetie. I'm right there in the middle seat. Thank you. Can you imagine a world where instead of looking around and saying that would be nice and then you dismiss your chance of getting it, you actually stop and look around and say, you know what? I think this thing up here, this is for me. I'd like to be up here. These are my people. And look, you may not wanna fly first class, but there are things that you do want. And I want you to consider that the first step to achieving the things that you want is having the confidence to claim what you want. Today's conversation is the permission you need to go after what you want in life, whether that is flying first class or being unapologetically ambitious or standing up for yourself or speaking your mind or making the changes you wanna make. The person you're about to meet is gonna tell you if you have ever told yourself, well, I can't make that happen. You're wrong. The one and only Chelsea Handler is here. Now Chelsea is one of the most successful comedians of all time. She's the author of six consecutive number one New York Times bestsellers. I just read her latest best selling book and I'm gonna admit something to you. I had Chelsea Handler all wrong. I had no idea who she actually is at her core. I've learned a lot from her. I am inspired by her. And you're about to hear the hilarious twists and turns and the lessons that she has learned the hard way. These are lessons that you and I can use about confidence, being yourself, getting rid of anger, picking yourself up when you blow it, finding inspiration in the darkest moments, and the power of laughter. But most of all, Chelsea's gonna talk about the confidence that comes when you give yourself permission to want what you want and be unapologetically who you are. Chelsea's gonna tell you, you have a reservoir of strength that you don't even know about, but you're gonna learn today how to tap into it. Hey. It's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. It is always such an honor to be together and spend time with you, and I'm so excited that you're here. And because you made the time to listen to this particular episode, here's what I know about you. You're the kind of person who is ready to stop playing small and start living a bigger life. And if you're a new listener or you're here because somebody …
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