A neuroscientist's guide to managing our emotions

What It Covers

Psychologist Ethan Cross explains science-based tools for emotional regulation, including distanced self-talk, sensory interventions, and strategic avoidance. Research from his University of Michigan lab shows emotion management skills are learnable and malleable throughout life.

Key Questions Answered

• •Distanced Self-Talk: Use your own name and "you" when coaching yourself through problems. Neuroimaging studies show this technique reduces emotional response amplitude within seconds without requiring significant mental effort, making it highly practical for daily use.
• •Multiple Tool Strategy: COVID study tracking thousands of participants found people who used 3-4 emotion regulation tools daily experienced measurable anxiety reduction, but effective combinations varied dramatically by individual. No universal formula exists—self-experimentation determines what works for each person.
• •Emotional Advisory Board: Create two-column list of people you consult for personal and work problems. Circle only those who both validate your feelings and help broaden perspective to reach solutions. Others may be valued friends but shouldn't be your go-to advisers.
• •Strategic Avoidance: Alternating between confronting difficult emotions and deliberately taking breaks from them can be more effective than constant processing. Dunedin study of 1,000 people tracked from birth showed self-control ability predicts career success, savings, and physical health—and improves with practice.