A guide to being brave in relationships

What It Covers

Writer Kelly Corrigan, psychologists John and Julie Gottman, and Dr. Ruth Westheimer share research-backed strategies for strengthening family bonds, resolving couple conflicts, and combating loneliness through intentional friendship-building practices.

Key Questions Answered

• •Active listening framework: Use three phrases—"tell me more," "what else," and "go on"—to help others process problems themselves rather than offering immediate solutions, which can feel dismissive and steal their satisfaction of self-discovery.
• •Four Horsemen of relationship failure: The Gottmans identify criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling as predictors of breakup with 90% accuracy. When heart rate exceeds 100 beats per minute during conflict, take a 20-minute break before resuming conversation.
• •Dreams within conflict method: 69% of relationship problems are perpetual and unsolvable. Instead of seeking resolution, use six structured questions to uncover hidden beliefs and dreams beneath each partner's position, building understanding rather than agreement.
• •Proactive friendship maintenance: Combat loneliness by scheduling specific future meetups immediately after conversations, broadening friend vocabulary beyond "best friends," and initiating brief daily interactions with neighbors and strangers to build community connection.