We Need to Talk

What It Covers

Harvard behavioral scientist Alison Wood Brooks explains research-backed techniques to improve conversation skills, including question-asking strategies, topic preparation, avoiding common conversational traps, and moving beyond small talk to create meaningful connections with others.

Key Questions Answered

• •Question-asking frequency: Asking just one additional question per conversation significantly increases likability and connection. Speed daters who asked one more question per four-minute date converted one additional date into a yes, demonstrating measurable impact of curiosity on relationship outcomes.
• •Follow-up questions: Follow-up questions prove more powerful than initial questions because they demonstrate undeniable listening and responsiveness. In studies of 1,100 speed dates, the effect of questions on getting second dates was driven almost entirely by follow-ups rather than standalone questions.
• •Topic switching strategy: Effective conversationalists switch topics frequently while immediately going deep on each new subject through rapid question-asking. This approach combines both breadth and depth rather than treating them as trade-offs, keeping conversations engaging without stagnation.
• •Mind wandering prevalence: People's minds wander 24% of the time during conversations based on self-reports collected every five minutes. Researchers suspect this percentage underestimates actual inattention since people feel embarrassed admitting they weren't listening to their conversation partner.