I Have a Crush on a Coworker
Episode
54 min
Read time
2 min
Topics
Health & Wellness, Relationships, Investing
AI-Generated Summary
Key Takeaways
- ✓Savoring attraction after loss: Rather than immediately acting on romantic feelings or suppressing them, allow yourself to experience the return of desire and curiosity as a sign of emotional recovery. This intermediate space between fantasy and action permits exploration without commitment, helping distinguish between genuine compatibility and rebound reactions following relationship endings or divorces.
- ✓Organic relationship development: Build connections through repeated friend-context interactions before defining them as romantic. Attend group activities, observe how the person interacts with longtime friends, and let mutual interest reveal itself naturally through dancing, shared hobbies, or casual outings. This approach creates opportunities for attraction to ripen without the pressure of formal dating declarations or rushed commitments.
- ✓Collective radar for relationship assessment: Consult trusted colleagues and mutual friends who have observed the potential partner over time to gather multiple perspectives on character, behavior patterns, and relationship history. Ask specific questions about what others have noticed between you, whether the attraction appears mutual, and what they know about the person's past relationships and interpersonal dynamics.
- ✓Internal dialogue between caution and desire: Develop a stereophonic system where your enthusiastic, passionate voice and your cautious, analytical voice communicate rather than compete. Ask each perspective what it notices that the other misses. Give each voice temporary space to speak fully rather than forcing constant balance, recognizing that crush energy resists reason while protective instincts resist vulnerability and spontaneity.
- ✓Contextual dating versus isolation: Involve broader social circles in early relationship development rather than exclusively one-on-one dating. Introduce potential partners to friends and family, observe them in work settings, and participate in group activities together. This multi-dimensional exposure reveals how someone treats others, handles different social situations, and integrates into existing life structures before deep emotional investment occurs.
What It Covers
A recently divorced woman seeks guidance about pursuing a romantic relationship with a coworker she has known for one year. Esther Perel explores the caller's pattern of rushing into relationships following two abusive partnerships and a nine-year marriage that lacked emotional connection, offering strategies to slow down and build relationships organically.
Key Questions Answered
- •Savoring attraction after loss: Rather than immediately acting on romantic feelings or suppressing them, allow yourself to experience the return of desire and curiosity as a sign of emotional recovery. This intermediate space between fantasy and action permits exploration without commitment, helping distinguish between genuine compatibility and rebound reactions following relationship endings or divorces.
- •Organic relationship development: Build connections through repeated friend-context interactions before defining them as romantic. Attend group activities, observe how the person interacts with longtime friends, and let mutual interest reveal itself naturally through dancing, shared hobbies, or casual outings. This approach creates opportunities for attraction to ripen without the pressure of formal dating declarations or rushed commitments.
- •Collective radar for relationship assessment: Consult trusted colleagues and mutual friends who have observed the potential partner over time to gather multiple perspectives on character, behavior patterns, and relationship history. Ask specific questions about what others have noticed between you, whether the attraction appears mutual, and what they know about the person's past relationships and interpersonal dynamics.
- •Internal dialogue between caution and desire: Develop a stereophonic system where your enthusiastic, passionate voice and your cautious, analytical voice communicate rather than compete. Ask each perspective what it notices that the other misses. Give each voice temporary space to speak fully rather than forcing constant balance, recognizing that crush energy resists reason while protective instincts resist vulnerability and spontaneity.
- •Contextual dating versus isolation: Involve broader social circles in early relationship development rather than exclusively one-on-one dating. Introduce potential partners to friends and family, observe them in work settings, and participate in group activities together. This multi-dimensional exposure reveals how someone treats others, handles different social situations, and integrates into existing life structures before deep emotional investment occurs.
Notable Moment
Esther reframes the caller's binary thinking about relationships, pointing out that her confidence extends beyond individual achievement into work relationships, friendships, and family connections. The challenge involves bringing existing relational strengths into romantic contexts rather than treating romantic relationships as a separate domain where different rules apply and past patterns inevitably repeat themselves.
Episode Transcript
In this following session, we discuss assault, and I want you to know this before you listen. Hi, Esther. I am calling because I have a crush on someone I work with, and I'm not sure what, if anything, I should do about it. The reason I'm conflicted is because, one, I'm newly divorced. I've been divorced for six months. And while it was a long time coming and I made peace with it, it still feels very fresh. And I'm not sure when is the proper amount of time I should be waiting before I start a new romantic relationship. And the other piece is the fact that we work together. We are on the same team, so it seems that there are many ways that this could go badly, and that deters me from entering a romantic relationship with this person. And at the same time, I feel very drawn towards this person and can't help but want to pursue a romantic relationship with him. So I would appreciate some guidance and insight from you. Thanks. Support for Where Should We Begin comes from OLLI. It's tempting to feel that you need to improve yourself in the new year, but OLLI wants to offer you an alternative. Reconnection, not reinvention. They offer simple, science backed supplements to support women's wellness. OLLI has you covered. If you're stepping into 2026 with presence, not perfection, visit olly.com and explore their wellness lineup. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Close your eyes. Listen to monday.com. Feel the sensation of an AI work platform. So flexible and intuitive, it feels like it was built just for you. Now open your eyes. Go to monday.com. Start for free and finally, breathe. Is your crush shared, known, or held in your internal fortress? So I'm pretty certain that it is shared. It hasn't been talked about. We haven't really said anything to each other about it, but I'm very confident that he feels the same way. Tell me more about how the crush came to be known to you. Was it there before, but it waited for the permission to reveal itself to you because you were still in the unraveling of your marriage? So it wasn't known to me or I didn't realize it until the divorce happened. We had been working together for a while before that. And with this job that I have, I made a lot of new friends, and I kind of overlooked him, to be honest, and that it just wasn't even a thought in my head. But during my divorce, I went out with a few of my work colleagues, including him, and I had a thought. Like, wow. This person is easy to be around. I really enjoy spending time with him. Like, it's nice to know that there are nice, attractive guys out there that I …
Get the full transcript (7,516 words) + summary by email — free
One-time email with the complete transcript and AI summary of this episode. No account needed.
One email, no spam. We’ll also show you what SignalCast does.
Browse all Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel transcripts →
You just read a 3-minute summary of a 51-minute episode.
Get Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel summarized like this every Monday — plus up to 2 more podcasts, free.
Pick Your Podcasts — FreeKeep Reading
More from Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
On Again/Off Again
Aug 31 · 53 min
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1339: Brother's Objection Threatens Family Connection | Feedback Friday
Jun 5
More from Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
Will I Always Be Alone?
Aug 24 · 49 min
The Daily (NYT)
Dating on the Spectrum
Apr 19
Books, tools, and gear mentioned in this episode
SignalCast may earn commission on purchases via these links. As an Amazon Associate, SignalCast earns from qualifying purchases.
Tools
“Shopify appears in the sponsors list for this episode at shopify.com/esther.”
“monday.com appears in the sponsors list for this episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel.”
Products
“Coop Sleep Goods appears in the sponsors list for this episode at coopsleepgoods.com/begin.”
More from Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
We summarize every new episode. Want them in your inbox?
Similar Episodes
Related episodes from other podcasts
The Jordan Harbinger Show
Jun 5
1339: Brother's Objection Threatens Family Connection | Feedback Friday
The Daily (NYT)
Apr 19
Dating on the Spectrum
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jan 23
How to Fall in Love Without Losing Yourself This Year (5 Rules to Avoid Getting Stuck in the Wrong Relationship)
The Daily (NYT)
Dec 31
She Fell in Love With ChatGPT: An Update
Modern Wisdom
Sep 5
Couples Therapist: “The One Rule Every Relationship Must Live By” - Stan Tatkin -#1146
Explore Related Topics
This podcast is featured in Best Mindset Podcasts (2026) — ranked and reviewed with AI summaries.
Read this week's Health & Longevity Podcast Insights — cross-podcast analysis updated weekly.
You're clearly into Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel.
Every Monday, we deliver AI summaries of the latest episodes from Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel and 192+ other podcasts. Free for one show.
Start My Monday DigestNo credit card · Unsubscribe anytime