Cognitive Scientist Maya Shankar On Navigating Unexpected Life Changes, The Neuroscience Of Identity, & How To Unlock Your Next Self
Episode
126 min
Read time
2 min
Topics
Career Growth, Health & Wellness, Relationships
AI-Generated Summary
Key Takeaways
- ✓Self-Affirmation Exercise: When facing unwanted change, spend 5-10 minutes writing down all aspects of your identity not threatened by the change—your values, relationships, skills beyond the crisis. This zooms out perspective, reduces denial, and prevents catastrophizing by revealing your multifaceted identity beyond one threatened domain.
- ✓Expand Identity Beyond Actions: Define yourself by why you do things, not what you do. If you love athletics for improvement and connection, losing physical ability doesn't eliminate those core drives. This why-based identity serves as a compass for finding new outlets when circumstances force pivots from familiar activities or careers.
- ✓Moral Elevation Rewires Possibility: Witnessing extraordinary human acts—forgiveness, courage, resilience—literally changes brain wiring by violating assumptions about human capacity. This cracks open imagination about your own capabilities across unrelated domains, planting seeds that may not germinate until encountering future opportunities requiring similar traits.
- ✓Mental Time Travel Stops Rumination: When stuck in worry loops at 3AM, deliberately travel forward 15 hours or 15 years to recognize problem transience, or backward to recall past certainties you were wrong about. This psychological distancing technique bursts the balloon of catastrophic thinking by contextualizing current concerns within broader timescales.
- ✓Challenge Belief Origins: Ask yourself: Would I hold this belief if delivered by a different messenger, in a different emotional state, or if born in another time or place? Most beliefs form through unconscious absorption, not rational deliberation. Probing their arbitrary origins reveals which ones unnecessarily constrain your self-concept and future possibilities.
What It Covers
Cognitive scientist Maya Shankar explains the neuroscience behind involuntary life changes, why humans resist uncertainty, and provides research-backed strategies to navigate identity crises, pregnancy loss, career shifts, and unexpected setbacks through acceptance, curiosity, and psychological distancing techniques.
Key Questions Answered
- •Self-Affirmation Exercise: When facing unwanted change, spend 5-10 minutes writing down all aspects of your identity not threatened by the change—your values, relationships, skills beyond the crisis. This zooms out perspective, reduces denial, and prevents catastrophizing by revealing your multifaceted identity beyond one threatened domain.
- •Expand Identity Beyond Actions: Define yourself by why you do things, not what you do. If you love athletics for improvement and connection, losing physical ability doesn't eliminate those core drives. This why-based identity serves as a compass for finding new outlets when circumstances force pivots from familiar activities or careers.
- •Moral Elevation Rewires Possibility: Witnessing extraordinary human acts—forgiveness, courage, resilience—literally changes brain wiring by violating assumptions about human capacity. This cracks open imagination about your own capabilities across unrelated domains, planting seeds that may not germinate until encountering future opportunities requiring similar traits.
- •Mental Time Travel Stops Rumination: When stuck in worry loops at 3AM, deliberately travel forward 15 hours or 15 years to recognize problem transience, or backward to recall past certainties you were wrong about. This psychological distancing technique bursts the balloon of catastrophic thinking by contextualizing current concerns within broader timescales.
- •Challenge Belief Origins: Ask yourself: Would I hold this belief if delivered by a different messenger, in a different emotional state, or if born in another time or place? Most beliefs form through unconscious absorption, not rational deliberation. Probing their arbitrary origins reveals which ones unnecessarily constrain your self-concept and future possibilities.
Notable Moment
Shankar reveals how her husband unknowingly deployed a self-affirmation exercise after their second pregnancy loss by asking her to list what she was grateful for. Initially resistant to what felt like toxic positivity, she discovered she had developed tunnel vision around motherhood and completely lost perspective on her other valued identities as manager, podcast host, and friend.
Episode Transcript
We are brought to you today by the wonderful folks at Go Brewing. A few years ago, there was this guy, his name's Joe Chura, and, he called me up out of the blue and asked if I would speak at this event that he was hosting in Illinois called Go, which turned out to be this incredibly memorable weekend for me and for all of the attendees because it was all about how to take inspired action. Joe and I connected, but, you know, life moved on. That was many years ago. Then a couple years back when I was at Jesse Itzler's running man event in Georgia, I'm walking the grounds when I see Joe. I was surprised to see him again, of course, sort of, different context, but also surprised because he had actually taken inspired action. I shouldn't have been surprised knowing Joe, but, I guess I was in the moment. What he did was he took this idea of Go and he turned it into the hottest new brand in nonalcoholic beer called, of course, Go Brewing. What sets Go Brewing apart is their refusal to cut corners. Everything is handcrafted from scratch in small batches. This commitment to quality has propelled Go Brewing into one of America's fastest growing breweries, now in over 5,000 locations across 20 states. Their salty AF chalada claimed the untapped number one nonalcoholic lager spot in America. They're constantly dropping all these bold new flavors, double IPAs, incredible sours, all without added sugars or any artificial nonsense. The nonalcoholic revolution isn't coming. It's here, people. And, I'm really honored to be championing it with Joe. So get on board by getting with Go by going to gobrewing.com, where you're gonna use the code rich roll for 15% off your first purchase. That's gobrewing.com code rich roll. We are constantly changing, and change can accelerate these inner transformations. Our brains are not wired to enjoy uncertainty, but change is coming for all of us, whether we like it or not, and we become different people on the other side of change. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the podcast, and welcome to the official season of change. Change is obviously something that is on everyone's minds this time of year. So change is what I've decided to devote this month's programming towards, and it's what we're going to talk about today. Specifically, the challenge of dealing with changes that are imposed upon us involuntarily, whether it's injury or loss or disappointment or maybe a future that suddenly collapses on you out of the blue. Change is this thing that has a way of of really rattling our deep desire for control and our profound dislike of uncertainty that really threatens our identity in ways that we're rarely adequately prepared for. But here's the thing. Control, this thing we clutch and are so attached to, is basically an illusion. And impermanence and uncertainty, these are just things that are part of the fabric …
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