Why We’re Having Less Sex — and Why It Matters (ft. Dr. Debra Soh)

What It Covers

Neuroscientist Dr. Debra Soh joins The Prof G Pod to examine why sexual activity has declined sharply across all demographics — with one in three American men and one in five women reporting no sex in the past year — and how dating apps, pornography, biological factors, and gender hostility are collectively dismantling human connection.

Key Questions Answered

• •Dating App Economics: Dating platforms are structurally incentivized to prevent users from finding lasting partners, since successful matches eliminate paying customers. This creates a mating market that mirrors winner-take-all commerce — a small number of high-status men capture disproportionate attention while the majority experience near-total exclusion, mirroring pre-middle-class historical patterns where only 40% of men reproduced across human history.
• •Pornography and Motivation Suppression: Pornography activates the same brain networks as real sex, effectively tricking the reward system into releasing feel-good hormones without requiring social effort. This removes the sexual frustration that historically drove men to pursue goals, build resources, and initiate relationships. AI-generated pornography now allows fully customized scenarios, making the gap between virtual and real-world intimacy wider and harder to bridge.
• •Biological Disruption: Low testosterone, birth control pill effects on female sexual psychology, and environmental toxins are suppressing libido and motivation at a physiological level — independent of social or psychological factors. Soh argues these biological contributors remain underaddressed in public discourse, meaning behavioral interventions alone cannot fully reverse declining sexual activity without also examining hormonal and environmental health.
• •Diet and Mental Health Connection: A clinical study found that after twelve weeks of eliminating ultra-processed foods, depression fully remitted in one-third of the depressed sample. For young men struggling with low motivation and social withdrawal, dietary changes represent a concrete, low-barrier starting point before addressing dating behavior. Combined with physical activity, sunlight exposure, and adequate sleep, these interventions can meaningfully shift mood and social engagement.
• •Gender Hostility and Dating Outcomes: A recent poll found that fewer than one-third of women under 25 hold a positive view of men, compared to roughly 70% of young men holding positive views of women. This asymmetry, amplified by social media influencers on both sides, creates a self-reinforcing cycle of avoidance. Soh recommends women consciously signal openness through sustained eye contact and smiling, citing research showing the medial orbital frontal cortex responds more strongly to attractive smiling faces.
• •The Three Sixes Problem: Online culture has normalized a female dating standard requiring men to be six feet tall, earn six figures annually, and meet specific anatomical criteria — a combination that statistically excludes the vast majority of single men. Simultaneously, men who meet these criteria often set exploitative relationship terms. Both patterns reflect social media distorting mate preferences away from the personality traits — agreeableness, kindness, humor — that research identifies as most predictive of long-term relationship success.