How to Become the Most Confident Version of Yourself & Step Into Your Power

What It Covers

Mel Robbins interviews pastor and author Sarah Jakes Roberts, who became a mother at 14 as the daughter of a megachurch pastor, on how to stop self-punishment, use past experiences as raw material for reinvention, and build authentic confidence by accepting every part of your story rather than hiding it.

Key Questions Answered

• •Self-punishment blocks healing: Sitting with painful memories while replaying negative self-talk — "you're stupid," "no one will want you" — actively prevents recovery. The shift requires a deliberate intention to bring compassion into that same mental space. You cannot pursue healing and self-punishment simultaneously; the two states are neurologically and emotionally incompatible. Choosing compassion is a conscious practice, not a passive feeling that arrives on its own.
• •The "open the cupboard" framework: Instead of trying to reinvent yourself using ingredients that don't exist, inventory every actual element of your life — failures, trauma, gifts, insecurities — and work with those. Roberts built her entire platform by blogging about a toxic relationship and teen pregnancy, discovering that the raw, unfiltered ingredients she wanted to discard were precisely what her audience connected with most.
• •Viewing your life as a full movie: Judging yourself by replaying one painful scene on a loop distorts self-perception. Roberts reframes this by watching the complete film — from opening credits to the present — which generates context and compassion. When she views her 13-year-old self within the full circumstances of isolation, family upheaval, and loneliness, the cringe transforms into understanding rather than shame.
• •Let it live outside of you: Keeping aspirations, identity shifts, and dreams trapped internally creates psychological suffocation and blocks growth. Verbalizing who you are becoming — to yourself and to others — serves two functions: it empties internal space for new possibilities to enter, and it expands your external environment to accommodate the emerging version of you. Roberts used this to reopen a global speaking opportunity others had declined on her behalf.
• •Discounting yourself to the lowest bidder: When people internalize the belief that a mistake or life circumstance has permanently reduced their worth, they begin accepting situations, relationships, and treatment they would otherwise reject. Roberts argues the opposite is true — surviving difficult experiences adds value through accumulated wisdom and resilience. Every experience that challenges your sense of worth is shared by nearly everyone around you, making it a connector rather than a disqualifier.
• •Power as a flow, not a destination: Roberts defines power as the simultaneous combination of authenticity, resilience, and humility — each operating at full capacity, not in rotation. Confidence, as framed by therapist Esther Perel, means knowing both your strengths and flaws without being destabilized by either success or failure. When Roberts's wig slipped off mid-sermon in front of 50,000 online viewers, removing it publicly became a demonstration of this definition in real time.