Keeping the Spark Alive – Long-Term & Aging (a/k/a How to Maintain Great Sex) | Dr. Nicole McNichols Part 3

What It Covers

Nicole Mc, professor and author of *You Could Be Having Better Sex*, covers strategies for sustaining sexual satisfaction in long-term relationships, addressing novelty, communication, aging, menopause, sex toys, and the measurable health benefits of regular sex across a 31-minute conversation with James Altucher.

Key Questions Answered

• •Individual passion as relationship fuel: Pursuing personal interests outside the relationship — a new career, class, or social group — directly increases attraction between partners. Research shows that when one partner returns energized by something new, the other experiences renewed attraction. Sharing those experiences together is the critical step that converts individual excitement into relational desire.
• •Desire gap by gender: Contrary to common assumptions, women lose sexual desire faster than men in long-term relationships, and novelty matters more to them over time. Couples who recognize this pattern can address it proactively rather than misattributing declining desire to partner dissatisfaction, which is a common and damaging misreading of what is actually a documented physiological and psychological pattern.
• •Sex as measurable health intervention: Harvard researcher Daniel Gilbert's pager study found sex ranks highest among all daily activities for reported happiness and present-moment focus. Regular sex also correlates with better sleep, stronger immunity, cardiovascular improvement, reduced stress, protection against degenerative brain disease, and longer lifespan in men — benefits Nicole Mc argues are systematically undervalued compared to supplements like CBD.
• •Menopause and HRT: Declining estrogen and progesterone cause vaginal wall thinning and reduced lubrication, making sex painful — a condition most doctors underaddress. Nicole Mc recommends consulting a menopause specialist rather than a general practitioner, as most received training when HRT was considered risky. Emerging data also supports testosterone supplementation for women to address brain fog and reduced libido.
• •Communication framework for sexual conversations: Initiate sexual conversations while clothed and low-stress, framing requests through vulnerability rather than directives. Instead of instructing a partner, ask curiosity-based questions such as how to tell if they are enjoying themselves. Naming the awkwardness explicitly before the conversation reduces defensiveness and opens dialogue more reliably than waiting for a natural moment to arise.