The Myth of Self-Made Success | Daniel Coyle

Stupid is smart, like, when it comes to community. Doing stupid gatherings. We're gonna eat appetizers every Tuesday. Have a thing. Trust in that. Welcome to the show, Dan. It's great to have you. Hey. Thanks for having me, AJ. It's nice to be here. Hi, John. Hello. In reading the book, you know, one thing that really stood out to me is I think when when most people think of flourishing, I would imagine they envision themselves, their achievements, thinking about what they can accomplish in their life. But you argue that flourishing is mutual. What do you mean by that? It's funny. I started off from that point of view too, where it was like, I'm gonna write a book about flourishing people. I kind of expected I'd find all these brilliant stars. But when I got into it, what I found over and over again were these thriving communities, which, you know, kinda surprised me at first, but then you think about it on a slightly deeper level. It's like, wait a second. Ecosystems. Like, growth. This is not machines. Right? We talk about, like, the word word. Yeah. That dude's a machine. Right? We talk about that all the time. That's a it's kind of a terrible thing to be. There's certain parts in life that are kind of machine like, where you do wanna kinda automate things, But what was going on in these places wasn't automation, it was animation. Right? They were bringing potential to life. They were bringing relationships to life over and over again. And there's a there's a a a quote that is, it's from a biologist, but it's like, all flourishing is mutual. And if we, like, take a second to reflect our own lives where we were feeling most alive, feeling most connected, feeling most vibrant, it wasn't solo, man. It was like we were not satellites. It's when we were in community, and we were growing together and and being vulnerable and trying new things. And that's good. That's just like that's how the sport of relationships, community, and flourishing works. It's it ain't a machine, so you can't approach it that way. You've gotta sort of continually be creating spaces where you can look outside yourself. Don't focus on yourself. And it's a tricky thing to do, but secretly though, it's in your self interest. Right? Ultimately, it is in your self interest to want to be in a position where you are helping others and being helped in community. Like like, that's how that's how our ancestors got to the point where they could get us here, Was they weren't they weren't out there being John waning their way through the world. They were, like, in community. You do this. I'll do that. Let's figure it out together. It's gonna be messy. It's gonna be real, and we're gonna get some place that neither of us could get on our own. So when we think about …