🏓 “Fruition-izing” — Marty Supreme’s growth hack. JP Morgan’s Apple Card. Free Zyn at work. +5am wakeups

This is Nick. This is Jack. It's Wednesday, ceviche. Wednesday, January 14. And today's pod is the best one yet. This is a tea boy. The top three pop business news stories you need to know today. But first, happy quarterly earnings season to to all those who celebrate. That's right. Our first story is an earnings report. So, light your lanterns in honor of the financial holiday. Yeah. I think I think there are a few of those. Besties, you're looking fantastic. Jack, three stories for today's show. What do we got on the pod? For our first story, JPMorgan just announced earnings and that they're taking over the Apple Card. But Jack and I will tell you why the Apple Card is actually doomed. It's the curse of Steve Jobs. For our second story, Timothy Chamalet tricked the Internet with a fake leaked Zoom call. You say Chamalet every time. It's chalamet. Oh, shoot. Did I screw that up again? Chalamet. But Timothy Chamalet sparked a $70,000,000 box office win for Marty Supreme, thanks to that Zoom call. And our third and and final story, forget free coffee. Silicon Valley offices are now offering free nicotine pouches. From kombucha to nicotine, free work perks actually reflect our entire society. But Yetis, before we hit that wonderful mix of stories. What a mix. No one else is doing that mix. Are you a lark, a bear, or an owl? Because besties, those are the spirit animals of sleep, or as scientists call them, chronotypes, the three sleep profiles of all people. The morning lark, the late night owl, or the snoozing bear. According to sleep doctor Michael Bries, roughly twenty percent of us are night owls. You know who you are. You're watching TikToks till 2AM. 20% of us are also morning larks. You finish five cups of coffee by 5AM, kinda like Jack and I. And the rest of us, 60%, you're bears. Basically, normal people. Not up super early, not up super late, just right. Now you won't see a lark smack the snooze button in the morning. And, Jack, you won't see an owl hit the hay after dinner. Which is all to say, you can't biohack your biological clock. Unless you're one of the 20% of us larks, your 5AM Barry's boot camp, that could actually be counterproductive. So even if your New Year's resolution is to rise before the sun does this year, you may wanna double check your chronotype species, Yetis. 5AM and you, you just might not gel and that's okay. Yetis, add it all up and you gotta remember what Snoop Dogg taught us all those years ago. Mo melatonin. Mo money. If you know, you know. Jack, let's hit our three T boy city on your ad list. If you know, you know, because we're ready to go. We can't wait no more, so just start the show. Start the show. Start off the show. First, a quick word from …