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Dare to Lead with Brené Brown

Brené with Mike Erwin on Leadership Is a Relationship, Part 2 of 2

37 min episode · 2 min read
·
Mike Erwin

Episode

37 min

Read time

2 min

Topics

Productivity, Health & Wellness, Relationships

AI-Generated Summary

Key Takeaways

  • Trust through humility: Strip away unnecessary formalities and rank structures to build intimacy. Former VA Secretary Bob McDonald insisted staff call him Bob rather than Secretary to eliminate barriers and demonstrate he worked on their behalf, not above them.
  • Affirmational language: Replace negative commands with positive direction to build trust neurologically. Say walk please instead of stop running, or show humility instead of stop bragging. Air traffic controllers use this principle globally to direct behavior toward desired outcomes effectively.
  • Loyalty boundaries: Distinguish other-focused loyalty from self-focused manipulation. Healthy loyalty includes accountability and forgiveness while serving the other person's best interest. When loyalty moves people out of their values, it becomes transactional rather than relational and potentially abusive.
  • Relationships as stability: Connection provides grounding amid chronic uncertainty and volatility. Relationships do not eliminate chaos but create personal stability to navigate unpredictable environments. This stabilizing force was threatened during pandemic isolation, explaining why people remain unsettled post-COVID.

What It Covers

Mike Erwin discusses his book Leadership Is a Relationship, exploring seven relationship functions that strengthen leadership: trust, accountability, forgiveness, loyalty, coalition building, and stability through human connection in organizational settings.

Key Questions Answered

  • Trust through humility: Strip away unnecessary formalities and rank structures to build intimacy. Former VA Secretary Bob McDonald insisted staff call him Bob rather than Secretary to eliminate barriers and demonstrate he worked on their behalf, not above them.
  • Affirmational language: Replace negative commands with positive direction to build trust neurologically. Say walk please instead of stop running, or show humility instead of stop bragging. Air traffic controllers use this principle globally to direct behavior toward desired outcomes effectively.
  • Loyalty boundaries: Distinguish other-focused loyalty from self-focused manipulation. Healthy loyalty includes accountability and forgiveness while serving the other person's best interest. When loyalty moves people out of their values, it becomes transactional rather than relational and potentially abusive.
  • Relationships as stability: Connection provides grounding amid chronic uncertainty and volatility. Relationships do not eliminate chaos but create personal stability to navigate unpredictable environments. This stabilizing force was threatened during pandemic isolation, explaining why people remain unsettled post-COVID.

Notable Moment

Erwin describes how elite special forces soldiers regularly use the word love when discussing teammates. An Air Force general required squadron commanders to use call signs instead of rank during vulnerability training, stating their bar is affection for those they lead.

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Episode Transcript

Hey, y'all. This is Barret Gihan. I'm back with Mike Erwin part two. I told you the first one was gonna be so good. I'm a let Brene take it from here, but here's part two. Brene Brown, Mike Erwin on Dare to Lead. Hi, everyone. I'm Brene Brown, and this is Dare to Lead. Today, I'm talking to Mike Erwin, who is the founder and CEO of the Character and Leadership Center, Team Red, White, and Blue, and the Positivity Project. He's also the coauthor of Lead Yourself First, which focuses on how solitude strengthens people's character and their ability to lead with clarity, balance, and conviction. We're talking today about his new book, Leadership as a Relationship, which is about seven functions of relationship building. And whether you're a leader or you're thinking about your family, you're thinking about friends, it's a really beautiful conversation about the importance of prioritizing our relationships as people and also as leaders. I'm glad y'all are here. Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start? Thumbtack knows homes, so you don't have to. Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin or what that clunking sound from your dryer is? With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top rated pros, see price estimates, and read reviews all on the app. Download today. Support for this show comes from Odoo. Running a business is hard enough, so why make it harder with a dozen different apps that don't talk to each other? Introducing Odoo. It's the only business software you'll ever need. It's an all in one fully integrated platform that makes your work easier. CRM, accounting, inventory, e commerce and more. And the best part? Odoo replaces multiple expensive platforms for a fraction of the cost. That's why over thousands of businesses have made the switch. So why not you? Try Odoo for free at odoo.com. That's odoo.com. Before we get started, let me tell you a little bit about Mike. He is a leader who has dedicated his life to serving the nation and empowering people to build positive relationships and become more resilient in community. And I met Mike ten, twelve years ago at West Point when I went to do some leadership work with the cadets and then met Mike and spent some time with Mike. And we've been friends since. I've done some work with Team Red, White, and Blue, the veterans group with him, and he's just an incredibly dynamic, smart, funny, loving person. Mike is a 2002 graduate of the US Military Academy at West Point. He has a bachelor's degree in economics. He was commissioned as an intelligence officer. He served three combat tours with the first Cavalry Division and third Special Forces Group Airborne, and he has earned two Bronze Star medals from these tours. He attended the University of Michigan where he earned a master's …

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  • by Mike Erwin

    Mike Erwin discusses his book Leadership Is a Relationship, exploring seven relationship functions that strengthen leadership: trust, accountability, forgiveness, loyalty, coalition building, and stability through human connection in organizational settings.

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