Is There a Science to Finding Love?

What It Covers

Doctor Anna Machen, evolutionary anthropologist at Oxford, explains the neuroscience and psychology of love, debunking myths about pheromones and menstrual synchrony while examining dating apps, attachment theory, polyamory, and whether having children increases happiness.

Key Questions Answered

• •Dating App Design Flaws: Apps handicap natural mate selection by removing sensory information like voice, movement, and smell while creating choice paralysis. They function better as introductory tools requiring quick in-person meetings rather than prolonged digital evaluation of profiles.
• •Love Versus Attraction Chemistry: Love at first sight does not exist scientifically. Initial attraction involves oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, while deeper love requires beta endorphin development over time. Attachment relationships cannot form instantly despite intense chemical feelings during first encounters.
• •Attachment Style Measurement: Romantic attachment styles measure two dimensions: fear of abandonment and comfort with physical intimacy. Secure attachment means low abandonment anxiety and high intimacy comfort. These styles are relationship-specific, changeable through effort, and primarily shaped by childhood experiences with caregivers.
• •Father-Specific Developmental Impact: Fathers provide unique attachment through challenge and stimulation beyond maternal nurturing. This paternal input specifically develops mental resilience, social language skills, prosocial behaviors, emotional regulation, and behavioral inhibition. Absence of father figures correlates with increased antisocial behavior and mental health issues.
• •Polyamory Population Reality: Only single-digit percentages of people practice polyamory successfully. Those who thrive experience compersion—feeling joy from seeing their partner loved by others—indicating naturally low jealousy. Polyamory requires innate psychological disposition rather than being a learnable lifestyle choice suitable for general adoption.