Do You Care Too Much What Other People Think of You? Avoid Conflict? Say Yes When You Shouldn't? | Dr. Ingrid Clayton, Fawning Expert

Hearing a voice can change everything. So AT and T wants everyone to gift their voice to loved ones this holiday season because that conversation is a chance to say something they'll hear forever. AT and T, connecting changes everything. It's the 10% Happier podcast. I'm Dan Harris. Hello, my fellow suffering beings. How are we doing today? Here's a question for you. It's a long question. Do any of the following behaviors describe you either chronically or episodically? Do Do you find yourself caring too much about what other people think about you? Do you say yes when you don't want to? Do you avoid conflict, sometimes pathologically? Do you appease other people? Do you go along to get along? And are you frequently in a state of hypervigilance and anxiety? If any of that describes you, if you answered yes to any of those questions, you may be in the habit of something called phoning. Let me just say here from the outset, some people are in a chronic state of phoning. Others do it occasionally. I think I'm in the latter category. Either way, there are practical tools to turn down the volume on fawning, or as my guest today says, to unfawn. Doctor Ingrid Clayton is a licensed clinical psychologist and the author of a book called Fawning. In this conversation, we talk about what fawning is, chronic versus situational fawning, the physiological ramifications of fawning, how power plays into all of this, ways to get some clarity around unseen bruises and wounds that might drive your behavior, owning your anger and how to express it in healthy ways, how to know if you're a fawner, some practical steps to unfawn, accessible approaches to regulating your nervous system, how to set boundaries, fawning and unfawning in a work context. And her observation, which I've been thinking about a lot, that wounding happens in relationships, but so does healing. This episode comes with a guided meditation for our subscribers over at danharris.com. It comes from our teacher of the month, Jeff Warren, and it is designed to help you withstand outside pressures and set boundaries. In other words, to unfawn. Jeff will be doing our next live meditation and Q and A session tomorrow at four Eastern. So So if you sign up at danharris.com, you can get our meditations that come with our Monday, Wednesday episodes, and also get invited to our weekly live meditation sessions. Finally, if you wanna make a real difference this giving season, 10% Happier is part of Pods Fight Poverty, teaming up with dozens of podcasts like The Happiness Lab with Lori Santos, Hidden Brain, and many more to do something big to lift three entire villages in Rwanda out of extreme poverty. We're shooting for a million dollars raised before the end of the year, which will lift over 700 families out of poverty. So visit givedirectly.org/dan to join pods fight poverty. That's givedirectly.org/dan, and we will put a link …