Feel Your Feelings, Drop the Story | Sebene Selassie
Episode
27 min
Read time
2 min
Topics
Productivity, Health & Wellness, Software Development
AI-Generated Summary
Key Takeaways
- ✓Breath Meditation Alternatives: Breath meditation is not mandatory. If focusing on breath creates restriction or feels unnatural, shifting attention to hands, feet, or heartbeat is equally valid. Lying-down meditation often makes breath awareness easier because the body is more relaxed, reducing the self-monitoring tension that makes seated breath observation feel forced or manipulated.
- ✓RAIN Framework for Shame: The RAIN technique — Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture — developed by Michelle McDonald and popularized by Tara Brach, works for shame as it does any strong emotion. The "nurture" step replaces the original "non-identification" because non-identification can pull practitioners into conceptual thinking rather than direct felt experience of the emotion.
- ✓Rumination Remedy — Feel the Feeling, Drop the Story: Pema Chödrön's directive to feel feelings without engaging the narrative is the core remedy for looping regret. Rather than analyzing or categorizing the emotion, returning attention to the body interrupts the storytelling loop. The body serves as a present-moment anchor that naturally dissolves the mental replay cycle.
- ✓Grammatical Reframe for Shame: Shifting from "I am feeling shame" to "there is shame" creates psychological distance without requiring deep philosophical understanding of not-self. A further step moves to "shame is being known," which then invites the question of what is doing the knowing — a gradual, accessible entry into non-identification practice.
- ✓Four-Element Body Practice: The Buddhist mindfulness-of-elements practice uses earth (solidity), water (fluidity), fire (temperature), and air (breath/movement) as body-sensation anchors. It can be applied during walking meditation or daily life — feeling feet on ground as earth, breath as air, warmth as fire, saliva as water — making embodied awareness accessible without formal sitting.
What It Covers
Meditation teacher Sebene Selassie joins Dan Harris for a live Q&A with app subscribers, covering breath meditation alternatives, working with shame using the RAIN framework, the Pema Chödrön "feel your feelings, drop the story" approach to rumination, and the four-element Buddhist body awareness practice.
Key Questions Answered
- •Breath Meditation Alternatives: Breath meditation is not mandatory. If focusing on breath creates restriction or feels unnatural, shifting attention to hands, feet, or heartbeat is equally valid. Lying-down meditation often makes breath awareness easier because the body is more relaxed, reducing the self-monitoring tension that makes seated breath observation feel forced or manipulated.
- •RAIN Framework for Shame: The RAIN technique — Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture — developed by Michelle McDonald and popularized by Tara Brach, works for shame as it does any strong emotion. The "nurture" step replaces the original "non-identification" because non-identification can pull practitioners into conceptual thinking rather than direct felt experience of the emotion.
- •Rumination Remedy — Feel the Feeling, Drop the Story: Pema Chödrön's directive to feel feelings without engaging the narrative is the core remedy for looping regret. Rather than analyzing or categorizing the emotion, returning attention to the body interrupts the storytelling loop. The body serves as a present-moment anchor that naturally dissolves the mental replay cycle.
- •Grammatical Reframe for Shame: Shifting from "I am feeling shame" to "there is shame" creates psychological distance without requiring deep philosophical understanding of not-self. A further step moves to "shame is being known," which then invites the question of what is doing the knowing — a gradual, accessible entry into non-identification practice.
- •Four-Element Body Practice: The Buddhist mindfulness-of-elements practice uses earth (solidity), water (fluidity), fire (temperature), and air (breath/movement) as body-sensation anchors. It can be applied during walking meditation or daily life — feeling feet on ground as earth, breath as air, warmth as fire, saliva as water — making embodied awareness accessible without formal sitting.
Notable Moment
Selassie, who has undergone numerous surgeries and hospitalizations, revealed she has never had a colonoscopy because her frequent medical scans make it unnecessary — a disclosure prompted by a live subscriber who was anxiously drinking colonoscopy prep during the session and struggling to meditate.
Episode Transcript
It's the 10% Happier podcast. I'm Dan Harris. Hello, party people. How we doing today? Today, we're gonna talk about how to deal with shame, what to do when your mind won't stop ruminating, a technique for managing strong negative emotions, an ancient Buddhist practice for getting out of your head and into your body, and how to handle it when you feel like you cannot meditate on your breath. There is also in this conversation a fairly extended detour into colonoscopy prep that I did not see coming, but you'll understand when we get there. My guest is the meditation teacher and author, Sebben a Salasih. Sebben and I recently co wrote and co recorded an Audible original, so an audiobook that you can get over on Audible. It's called Even You Can Meditate. You should go check it out over on Audible. What you're about to hear though is a live q and a that Seb and I did with, subscribers to my new ish meditation app, 10% with Dan Harris. If you haven't done it already, you can sign up for the app over at danharris.com. Also, heads up if you wanna meditate with me in person, I've got two events coming up on May 17. I'll be at the, 92nd Street Y in New York City. I'll guide a meditation and take your questions. Then on October, seven a and I, along with our friend Jeff Warren, will be doing our annual meditation party retreat. It's a weekend thing up at the Omega Institute in Upstate New York. Links for both events are in the show notes. Alright. We'll get started with, seven a Salasse right after this. This time of year always makes me rethink what's in my closet. I'm trying to keep fewer things, but better ones. Pieces that are well made and easy to wear all the time. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. The fabrics feel elevated. The fits are thoughtful. The pricing actually makes sense. Quince makes high quality everyday essentials using premium materials like 100% european linen and their insanely soft flow knit activewear fabric. Their men's linen pants and shirts are lightweight, breathable and comfortable. Basically, the perfect layer for spring. The pants strike the right balance between laid back and refined. So you look put together without trying too hard. I've got one pair of pants from Quince that I wear just, like, all the time. These are my go to pants, black pants. I guess you would call them khakis or chinos. I don't know. But they look really good. Or at least I think they look really good on me. I don't know. I'm back at how do I know? But I think they look really good, and they're really, really comfortable. I've got a bunch of stuff from Quince. Socks, underwear, t shirts. And the best part is that their prices are 50 to 60% less than similar brands. How? Quince works directly …
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Books, tools, and gear mentioned in this episode
SignalCast may earn commission on purchases via these links. As an Amazon Associate, SignalCast earns from qualifying purchases.
Books
by Pema Chödrön
“Pema Chödrön's directive to feel feelings without engaging the narrative is the core remedy for looping regret. Rather than analyzing or categorizing the emotion, returning attention to the body interrupts the storytelling loop.”
other
- Four-Element Body PracticeRecommended
by Buddhist tradition
“The Buddhist mindfulness-of-elements practice uses earth (solidity), water (fluidity), fire (temperature), and air (breath/movement) as body-sensation anchors.”
course
- RAIN FrameworkRecommended
by Michelle McDonald / Tara Brach
“The RAIN technique — Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture — developed by Michelle McDonald and popularized by Tara Brach, works for shame as it does any strong emotion.”
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