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Unlocking Us

Brené with Viola Davis on Being Brave, Speaking Truth, and Finding Me

58 min episode · 2 min read
·
Viola Davis

Episode

58 min

Read time

2 min

Topics

Relationships, Science & Discovery

AI-Generated Summary

Key Takeaways

  • Representative self vs. authentic self: Davis describes sending a polished representative version of herself into professional spaces while her real self stayed home, creating constant anxiety about saying or doing the wrong thing that could ruin opportunities or relationships.
  • Thick skin costs connection: When advised to develop thicker skin against criticism, Davis discovered she became numb to everything—unable to feel love, joy, or vulnerability required for both acting and meaningful relationships. Translucent skin became her goal instead of armor.
  • Therapy as trailblazing guide: Davis frames therapists as guides who show you how to navigate life's labyrinth, similar to Joseph Campbell's concept of heroes who've gone before. Her first therapist asked if she'd be okay if nothing changed, unlocking self-acceptance.
  • Life as relay race with yourself: Davis reframes legacy not as passing a baton to others, but recognizing all versions of yourself—the six-year-old survivor, 14-year-old dreamer, 28-year-old trauma processor—are runners in your own race, each completing their leg successfully.

What It Covers

Brené Brown interviews Viola Davis about her memoir Finding Me, exploring childhood trauma, navigating Hollywood as a dark-skinned Black woman, therapy's transformative role, and choosing authentic self-expression over people-pleasing.

Key Questions Answered

  • Representative self vs. authentic self: Davis describes sending a polished representative version of herself into professional spaces while her real self stayed home, creating constant anxiety about saying or doing the wrong thing that could ruin opportunities or relationships.
  • Thick skin costs connection: When advised to develop thicker skin against criticism, Davis discovered she became numb to everything—unable to feel love, joy, or vulnerability required for both acting and meaningful relationships. Translucent skin became her goal instead of armor.
  • Therapy as trailblazing guide: Davis frames therapists as guides who show you how to navigate life's labyrinth, similar to Joseph Campbell's concept of heroes who've gone before. Her first therapist asked if she'd be okay if nothing changed, unlocking self-acceptance.
  • Life as relay race with yourself: Davis reframes legacy not as passing a baton to others, but recognizing all versions of yourself—the six-year-old survivor, 14-year-old dreamer, 28-year-old trauma processor—are runners in your own race, each completing their leg successfully.

Notable Moment

Davis reveals she removed and reinserted her abortion story from the manuscript repeatedly, recognizing women discuss sexual assault more readily than abortion. She chose to include it so women feel less alone with ambiguous, difficult choices.

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Episode Transcript

Hi, everyone. I'm Brene Brown, and this is Unlocking Us. Have an incredible conversation for you today with none other than the amazing singular Viola Davis. Just what a you know, talking about tough and tender and brave and vulnerable, she's got a new memoir out called Finding Me. I just read that it'll debut at number one on the New York Times bestseller list, which is so exciting for her and so well deserved. We're gonna talk about the book. It is a very deep reflection that takes us on a journey through Viola's childhood, overcoming trauma, finding her voice, what it's like being in just a kind of brutal industry, to be honest with you, and just some some extraordinary experiences that have changed her. And because of who she is, they've, by turn, changed us. I am so glad you're here for this conversation. Before we go to our first break, I want to in case you don't know, I announced on Monday, and then we've gone off on social this week. I am, for the first time in my career, going on a very serious sabbatical this summer. We're also doing kind of a critical mass restoration and rest at Brene Brown Education Research, our company. And so we're going away for a few months. We are taking a hiatus with a podcast. We're going dark on social for four months. It's scary and it's weird, but I'm so driven by this idea. It's a quote that is often attributed to Viktor Frankl. No one really knows where it comes from, but I think Viktor Frankl's work is so represented in it that I'm choosing that. But it's got an interesting history. You can read more on brenebrown.com. But the quote is between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space, there's the power of choice. And with that choice comes freedom and learning. And so celebrating twenty six years sobriety this month, that's the first time I ever got a glimpse of that space between stimulus and response. And I'm gonna celebrate those twenty six years by reinvesting in the next twenty six with creating some space. So we'll be gone until September, but I'm so glad you're here for this conversation. At Criminal, we've made it a tradition every December to dedicate an episode entirely to animals who are really going for it. And Tony, what happened when you pulled over? Nothing out of the ordinary until I saw the cat on the back of the roof behind the luggage carrier. Listen to our fifth annual Animals episode on Criminal wherever you get your podcasts. Before we jump in, let me tell you a little bit about Viola. Not that you need it, but it's very interesting. She is a critically revered actress of film, television, and theater. She's won rave reviews for her multiple and substantial and intriguingly diverse roles. She has Oscar nominated performances in The Help, Doubt, Ma …

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Books

  • Finding MeRecommendedBy guest

    by Viola Davis

    Brené Brown interviews Viola Davis about her memoir Finding Me, exploring childhood trauma, navigating Hollywood as a dark-skinned Black woman, therapy's transformative role, and choosing authentic self-expression over people-pleasing.

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