Brené and Ashley on Living BIG, Part 1 of 2
Episode
48 min
Read time
2 min
Topics
Software Development, Crypto & Web3, Psychology & Behavior
AI-Generated Summary
Key Takeaways
- ✓Boundaries enable compassion: Research with the most compassionate people revealed they all maintained well-defined boundaries. They assume others do their best while asking for what they need and saying no without resentment, unlike boundary-less people who judge constantly.
- ✓Self-righteousness as addiction: Treating self-righteous judgment as a substance requiring abstinence prevents the cycle where believing you're better than others inevitably leads to feeling worthless. Both positions occupy the same comparative mindset rather than being opposites on a spectrum.
- ✓The question reveals patterns: Asking forty people if others do their best showed wholehearted individuals answer yes hesitantly but maintain faith in humanity, while perfectionists answer no emphatically and judge themselves as harshly as they judge others, creating parallel resentment.
- ✓Resentment signals boundary failure: When saying yes but feeling resentful within ten minutes, the problem isn't others' behavior but your failure to set boundaries. People who don't value their own work enough to decline requests can't expect others to respect them.
What It Covers
Brené Brown and therapist sister Ashley explore the connection between boundaries and compassion through the question: Are people doing the best they can? They introduce the Living BIG framework for generous assumptions.
Key Questions Answered
- •Boundaries enable compassion: Research with the most compassionate people revealed they all maintained well-defined boundaries. They assume others do their best while asking for what they need and saying no without resentment, unlike boundary-less people who judge constantly.
- •Self-righteousness as addiction: Treating self-righteous judgment as a substance requiring abstinence prevents the cycle where believing you're better than others inevitably leads to feeling worthless. Both positions occupy the same comparative mindset rather than being opposites on a spectrum.
- •The question reveals patterns: Asking forty people if others do their best showed wholehearted individuals answer yes hesitantly but maintain faith in humanity, while perfectionists answer no emphatically and judge themselves as harshly as they judge others, creating parallel resentment.
- •Resentment signals boundary failure: When saying yes but feeling resentful within ten minutes, the problem isn't others' behavior but your failure to set boundaries. People who don't value their own work enough to decline requests can't expect others to respect them.
Notable Moment
A bank teller who experienced racism from a customer explained she was probably scared about her money, noting his Iraq war psychiatrist taught him people aren't themselves when frightened, fundamentally shifting the researcher's perspective on human behavior.
Episode Transcript
Hi, everyone. I'm Brene Brown, and this is Unlocking Us. And today, this is part one of a two part series on living big. We thought this would be great timing for life in general, but also especially the holidays. I'm here with my sister, Ashley. Hi, Ash. Hi. Good to see your face. It's good to see your face too. Before we get started on living big, and we're talking about boundaries and generosity, I have some news for y'all. These two podcasts will be our last unlocking us podcast. I don't have a plan for a future podcast. I don't know what's gonna happen. Tim taking a little break at least for the 2023. But this is the end of a season, the end of a chapter. What do you think, Ash? Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start? Thumbtack knows homes, so you don't have to. Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin, or what that clunking sound from your dryer is? With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top rated pros, see price estimates, and read reviews all on the app. Download today. At Criminal, we've made it a tradition every December to dedicate an episode entirely to animals who are really going for it. And Tony, what happened when you pulled over? Nothing out of the ordinary until I saw the the cat on the back of the roof behind the luggage carrier. Listen to our fifth annual Animals episode on Criminal wherever you get your podcasts. I think it's been an amazing season and chapter, and I'm super excited to see what comes next. It has been. I got a little emotional right now just talking about it. Did you? Yeah. I mean, there's no shortage of content out there. It's just been so amazing to listen to the conversations, and the power between the thought leader conversations is amazing. It's been really cool. Yeah. And I have to say the sister series. Barry's not with us today, but our sister series have been probably among the most popular and downloaded of all of them. They're so fun. Like, sometimes, some someone will call me and say something to me about it, and I'll be like, oh my god. Did I say that? Because I forget I'm on a podcast. It's like I'm just sitting at the table with y'all. BS, and we just need some cards. We just need some cards. Play some Euchre. Yep. Ashley's not my Euchre partner, however. No. She plays with Ellen. And who else you're usually just Ellen. Right? I usually play with Ellen, and you usually play with Barrett or Chaz. Oh my god. Chaz. If Chaz doesn't get to bid because it doesn't have a good hand, he'll only do it about two or three rounds, and then he'll bid on shit. And and it it'll …
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