Chris Appleton On Finding Your True Identity, Resilience, & Breaking His Silence To Live Authentically

What It Covers

Celebrity hairstylist Chris Appleton shares his journey from childhood bullying and suicide attempt to living authentically as a gay man. He discusses hiding his sexuality for twenty years, the trauma of coming out to his children at ages six and eight, therapeutic breakthroughs, toxic relationship patterns, and how childhood programming shapes adult behavior and self-worth.

Key Questions Answered

• •Self-abandonment from bullying: Appleton got beaten up and bullied at age thirteen for doing hair, leading him to spend twenty years proving he was not gay or stupid. This childhood programming caused him to abandon authentic self-exploration as a teenager, creating a false identity that eventually led to a suicide attempt at age twenty-six when the suppression became unsustainable.
• •Mirror work for self-acceptance: People glance at mirrors ten to fifteen times daily without truly seeing themselves. Appleton recommends stopping to check if your outer appearance aligns with inner feelings. This practice reveals misalignment between who you are and who you present to the world, serving as the first step toward authentic living and identifying areas requiring change.
• •Childhood memory therapy technique: Appleton's therapist John guided him to visualize himself as a six-year-old at a window feeling alone and different. When asked what that child needed to hear, Appleton realized he needed reassurance that feeling different would become his superpower. This exercise revealed decades of self-cruelty and marked a turning point in releasing shame and self-acceptance.
• •The danger of fine: Appleton identifies the word fine as a four-letter facade people use to avoid acknowledging problems. When asked about relationships, work, or finances, responding with fine prevents honest self-assessment. He advocates banning this word because if something feels wrong, it usually is wrong, and acknowledging discomfort represents the first step toward authentic change and personal growth.
• •Toxic trait of fixing others: Appleton recognized his pattern of entering relationships with people who claimed they wanted to improve, believing he could help them become better versions of themselves. This worked professionally with clients but emotionally starved him in personal relationships. He now understands people rarely change unless actively working on themselves through therapy, not just talking about wanting change.
• •Gratitude practice over comparison: Appleton practices daily gratitude by identifying one thing he appreciates, countering social media's tendency to trigger envy and comparison. He transformed his relationship with successful people like Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez from potential envy into mentorship opportunities, absorbing their habits and work ethic rather than resenting their success or feeling inadequate by comparison.