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The Jefferson Fisher Podcast

The 3 Signs You’re Being Gaslit (And What to Do About It)

21 min episode · 2 min read

Episode

21 min

Read time

2 min

Topics

Health & Wellness, Relationships, Psychology & Behavior

AI-Generated Summary

Key Takeaways

  • Internal warning signs: When you consistently leave conversations feeling confused, doubting yourself, or questioning if you're the problem, gaslighting may be occurring. A critical red flag is feeling the need to write down conversations immediately after they happen because you no longer trust your own memory or perception of events that just occurred.
  • Conversation shifts: Gaslighters redirect discussions from their behavior to your reaction, from their accountability to your sensitivity, or from impact on you to their intention. They use words like crazy, insane, irrational, and unreasonable to make you question your mental state. The conversation becomes about your tone rather than their actions.
  • Boundary phrase technique: Use the exact phrase "I remember things differently" as a complete statement with a period, not ellipses. Avoid overexplaining or justifying your position, which exposes more areas for manipulation. Alternatively, state "That wasn't my experience" and repeat it when they attempt to shift the conversation or make you doubt yourself.
  • Self-assessment markers: You may be gaslighting others if you always emerge from conflicts as the victor with your truth being the only valid one, the other person doubts themselves while you feel completely justified, they apologize while you offer nothing, and you view their concerns as irrational while yours are always reasonable.
  • Healthy conversation standard: Legitimate dialogue should make you wish there was a witness to it, not require written proof of what was said. Healthy communication considers both perspectives rather than insisting only one experience matters. When pointing out problems makes you feel guilty or like an inconvenience, the relationship dynamic has become unhealthy.

What It Covers

Jefferson Fisher explains gaslighting as a communication pattern where someone distorts your reality and makes you question your own truth. He identifies three key areas: recognizing internal and external signs of being gaslit, responding effectively with specific phrases, and identifying if you unconsciously gaslight others through conversational patterns.

Key Questions Answered

  • Internal warning signs: When you consistently leave conversations feeling confused, doubting yourself, or questioning if you're the problem, gaslighting may be occurring. A critical red flag is feeling the need to write down conversations immediately after they happen because you no longer trust your own memory or perception of events that just occurred.
  • Conversation shifts: Gaslighters redirect discussions from their behavior to your reaction, from their accountability to your sensitivity, or from impact on you to their intention. They use words like crazy, insane, irrational, and unreasonable to make you question your mental state. The conversation becomes about your tone rather than their actions.
  • Boundary phrase technique: Use the exact phrase "I remember things differently" as a complete statement with a period, not ellipses. Avoid overexplaining or justifying your position, which exposes more areas for manipulation. Alternatively, state "That wasn't my experience" and repeat it when they attempt to shift the conversation or make you doubt yourself.
  • Self-assessment markers: You may be gaslighting others if you always emerge from conflicts as the victor with your truth being the only valid one, the other person doubts themselves while you feel completely justified, they apologize while you offer nothing, and you view their concerns as irrational while yours are always reasonable.
  • Healthy conversation standard: Legitimate dialogue should make you wish there was a witness to it, not require written proof of what was said. Healthy communication considers both perspectives rather than insisting only one experience matters. When pointing out problems makes you feel guilty or like an inconvenience, the relationship dynamic has become unhealthy.

Notable Moment

Fisher traces gaslighting to a 1930s play where a husband repeatedly lowered a gas light in their yard while insisting to his wife that nothing changed, eventually making her doubt her sanity. This manipulation tactic aimed to make her believe she could only trust his version of reality, not her own observations.

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Episode Transcript

In today's episode, I'm gonna be talking about the three must know signs of whether you are being gaslit. So we're gonna be talking about how do you know it, what to do, and if it's you who's actually unconsciously unknowingly doing the gaslighting. All that more coming up. Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher podcast where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything. I wanna give some exciting news, and that is the next conversation workbook is officially out for presale. You can find the links down in the show notes. It's something I have worked very hard on to make sure you have practical exercises to continue your communication journey. Also, if you're listening and you have not done it, please click wherever you see subscribe. It helps me, it helps my family, and it tells wherever you're listening that this is good content. And that's my mission to make you a better communicator one conversation at a time. This podcast is sponsored by Cozy Earth. If you're like me and you have that month coming up here in February where you want to show some love not only to yourself or somebody you actually care about. Why don't you show them a little extra love and get them something warm and cozy? I'm talking about pajama sets. I'm talking about some bedsheets. I'm talking about some awesome bath blankets that are taller than my head. I gave my mom, last year a set of Cozy Earth pajamas, and they're her favorite ones. She's worn them. She says she's about worn them out. And the best thing about, Cozy Earth and and all of their products, but especially their sleepwear, is that they have a hundred night trial period. So you can try it out for hundred nights. And if you don't like it, return that thing. But you're not gonna want to. On top of that, they have a ten year warranty. So whatever they put out, that's why I like them so much, is because it's quality stuff. And they actually put their money where their mouth is, and they back it up as a ten year warranty. So if you are thinking of that special somebody, and maybe that person is yourself, and you wanna give yourself a little bit of love this month, go to cozyearth.com/jefferson. Use the code jefferson and get up to 20% off. That's cozyearth.com/jefferson and use the code jefferson to get up to 20% off. And now let's get to the episode. I know we hear the term a lot. Gaslighting. Almost always, I get the question of what exactly is gaslighting. I know I've talked about it on this podcast, but it's worth reiterating again. Gaslighting is a term that has come about to me when somebody is trying to distort your reality in communication. Right? They are trying to make you question your truth. The veracity of what you say to to …

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