How to Build Unshakable Confidence When You’re Losing Feat. Alan Stein Jr.

What It Covers

Alan Stein Jr returns to discuss his book Next Play, exploring how to maintain confidence during setbacks. The performance coach who worked with NBA players like Kevin Durant and Kobe Bryant shares strategies for emotional regulation, building unshakable self-belief, and transitioning from failures to future success through intentional mindset shifts.

Key Questions Answered

• •Whiteboard Memory Technique: Great performers erase previous failures immediately before the next attempt. Kobe Bryant shot his ninth shot as if he made the first eight, not allowing negative energy from misses to affect subsequent performance. Separate emotions from actions by maintaining consistent standards regardless of feelings, preventing disappointment from dictating behavior and creating inconsistent results.
• •Three Sources of Confidence: Build self-belief through keeping promises to yourself (waking at 6AM when planned), demonstrated performance during unseen hours (practicing when no one watches), and constructive self-talk. Confidence cannot depend on outcomes you cannot control. Attach identity to controllable process factors like effort and attitude rather than results to maintain consistency through wins and losses.
• •Kobe's 3AM Training Philosophy: Bryant trained three times daily during off-seasons, starting at 3:30AM, reasoning that competitors training twice daily would never catch up when stacking years of this advantage. More important than volume was his obsessive focus on fundamental movements taught to middle schoolers, executed with unparalleled intensity and precision, proving mastery of basics creates separation at elite levels.
• •Next Play in Macro Transitions: Beyond moment-to-moment recovery from mistakes, proactively plan for major life transitions before they occur. Identify the next play when children leave home, parents pass away, marriages end, or careers shift. Being proactive about these inevitable changes rather than reactive when they happen prevents identity crises and creates smoother transitions through major life phases.
• •Accountability Before Compassion Framework: When helping someone through failure, first validate their emotions without trivializing pain, then immediately ask how they were complicit in the outcome. Eliminate blaming, complaining, and excuse-making by requiring ownership of their role. Use the pain as catalyst for growth by identifying different future behaviors, walking through difficulty together while maintaining belief in their capability to overcome.