Stop Trying to Become Someone New: Get Past Constant Comparison and Return to What Works For You | Sam Sanders

What It Covers

Dan Harris and Sam Sanders exchange their "modern scriptures" — cultural works like films, music, and TV shows they return to repeatedly for grounding and joy. They also cover Instagram's comparison trap, research-backed habit formation strategies, and Sanders' philosophy that returning to known sources of comfort rivals creating new resolutions.

Key Questions Answered

• •Modern Scriptures Framework: Identify 3–5 specific cultural works — films, albums, TV shows — that reliably produce a desired emotional state (catharsis, laughter, calm) and deliberately return to them during stress. Sanders developed this concept after noticing he re-read the same Melissa McCarthy profile every few months during difficult periods, each time finding emotional reset.
• •Habit Formation Research: Resolutions stick better when built on four pillars: extreme specificity (gym three times weekly, not "get fit"), absurdly small starting actions (placing running shoes by the door), social accountability partners, and self-compassion. Self-compassion is identified as the upstream habit — the one that makes all other behavioral changes more sustainable long-term.
• •Instagram Comparison Mechanism: Opening Instagram reliably triggers social comparison within seconds, particularly when algorithms serve creator content. A practical workaround short of deletion: store the phone in the car trunk while driving and leave it home during dog walks, converting those windows into low-stimulation, phone-free mental recovery time throughout the day.
• •Art as Mood Regulation Tool: Aesthetic experiences — music, film, nature — constitute a documented but underutilized lever for mental well-being. Music is particularly effective for mood shifting because familiar recordings carry embedded emotional memory. Fleetwood Mac's *Rumours* opening chords, for example, can trigger full-body physiological responses tied to specific life periods and relationships.
• •The Act of Return as Resolution: Rather than resolving to become a new person each January, deliberately returning to already-known sources of joy, solace, and connection can be equally edifying. This reframe reduces the pressure of constant self-reinvention and acknowledges that existing relationships, practices, and art already contain what most people are searching for in new habits.