Handling Difficult People, Healing Breakups, and the Science of Talking to Strangers | Shankar Vedantam

This is the Ten Percent Happier podcast. I'm Dan Harris. Hello, gang. As somebody whose career revolves around the study of human happiness and flourishing, I am continuously struck by this fact. We know from all the evidence that one of, if not the most important variables when it comes to mental health and physical health, is the quality of your relationships. We know this. And yet, very few of us are actually taught any form of what I like to call interpersonal hygiene when it comes to our romantic relationships, our work relationships, our friendships, and beyond. We're just kinda left to figure it out on our own to muddle through. And so today, we're gonna talk to an excellent guest, a frequent flyer here, about some strategies from the psychological research, so some evidence based strategies to improve your interpersonal hygiene. Shankar Vedantam is the host of the Hidden Brain podcast. It's also a radio show. And on the show, he explores the hidden patterns that drive human behavior. Shankar is also the author of several books, including The Hidden Brain and Useful Delusions. He's also somebody I've met and talked to many times and I like a lot. In this conversation, we talk about how to stop trying to change your romantic partners, useful tools for dealing with conflict, the challenging practice of eating the blame, I e, voluntarily taking responsibility in a conflict. This needs to be done judiciously, as you will hear Shankar describe. How to manage a breakup of any kind, romantic, friendship, work relationship. The real secret to finding closure. The value of micro interactions, fleeting daily interactions with strangers. And much more. Before we dive in, a heads up that today is the first day of a five day meditation challenge that we're running over on my new meditation app, 10% with Dan Harris. The challenge is called even you can meditate. And every day, it features a new guided meditation from the great teacher and my great friend, Sebben a Salassie. And then twice during the course of the five day challenge, we're gonna do live video sessions where you can ask me and Seb questions. This challenge is available exclusively over on the app. Again, 10% with Dan Harris. So head to danharris.com to join us. Just to say this challenge is designed in part to celebrate a new audiobook, a so called Audible original that Seb and I co wrote and co recorded. That book is also called Even You Can Meditate. And, if you wanna check out the book, you can go to Audible. Last thing to say, then I'll shut up. If you wanna meditate with me in person, I've got an event coming up at the 92nd Street Y in New York City on May 17. I'll do some meditation, take your questions, talk about how this practice can help you stay sane in a world that feels on fire and out of control, etcetera, etcetera. …